Heeding our Virtues

Last night Mimi and I had some of our best gardening friends over for a tour of the yard and for some dinner. We prepared the dinner together the night prior so it wouldn’t be such a big deal to come home and be ready to host at 6 o’clock. We wanted to have enough daylight to take our time through the yard and we also wanted them to be there for when darkness comes. Our friends are close to the same age that we are and garden in a similar style that we do. We learn from each other about plants and smarter ways of getting things done around the yard. Our conversation eventually turned to life and love and marriage and raising children. We we raised our kids at the same time and very much in a similar way. Now that our kids are grown and out of the house and making their way in this world, we realize that what we hoped would happen has happened.

We tried to teach our kids by providing the optics that it takes to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. We high fived each other in a way as we realize that our kids are happy and content with their lives. We also showed our thanks that our marriages are strong and ever-changing in a positive way. None of our lives are perfect, but we have the tools that it takes to get through tough times whether they be mental or physical. One of the similarities that both of our relationships carry is that we all four are as health minded as we can be both mentally and physically. We make time to exercise on a regular basis and to prepare healthy meals that fit our lifestyles. I thought a lot about our conversation after they left that night. I am a believer that consistency is the answer to most things. If I stay consistent on a healthy diet, everything seems to run better, Mimi and I don’t stray much from the kind of food that we prepare for all three of our meals every day. That’s not to say we don’t enjoy a good dinner out every once in a while but it’s not very frequent as restaurant food is just not the same as what we can prepare at home.

Consistency is everything to your physical fitness. I don’t work out long or hard, but I do work out a little bit every day. I ride my bike every other morning just enough to warm up my legs for a day at Garden Works. As I’m riding my bike in the darkness, usually before the sun comes up. I can feel my joints loosening up and my back straightening out. I can feel my mind relax about the things that I have to get done that day both at home and at work. When I first wake up, it’s a big garbled mess with lots of voices in my head leading me in all kinds of directions. By the time I’m back from my bike ride, I have an order of the way things will have to go timing wise for that day. On the days that I don’t ride my bike I go upstairs and do some light dumbbells and kettle bells and some stretching on the floor, the whole ordeal takes 10 to 15 minutes. I know that it’s good for my body, but I really do it for my mind. I start my day with a sense of accomplishment, kinda like making your bed as soon as you get up.

I believe that gardening is the epitome of life. If you treat your gardening style in a consistent and thoughtful manner, no matter the size garden that you are a steward of it’s easier if you stay on it little by little day by day. I’m not one that does well when I feel like things are getting on top of me or getting away from me. When I look at the seven virtues, they are what makes a garden great, a marriage as it should be and your personal health all it can be.

The first part that you’ll learn in a garden is humility. Humility counteracts the sin of pride by keeping ego and arrogance in check. A garden will certainly have that effect on you when you realize that you’re not in charge of everything. You can try your best and you can even repeat things over and over that work only to find out that one of the seasons that same thing just won’t work anymore. Right when you think you’ve got it all figured out you have to release and realize that you don’t. Charity is the next virtue that comes along with gardening and relationship maintenance. Selfless, generous, giving and unconditional love opposes the sin of greed. When material wealth is valued over compassion your garden and your relationship are sure to suffer.

Gardening can certainly be expensive, but it doesn’t have to be at all. Depending on how you want to do it, you can buy all your plants up and ready for instant gratification, which will cost a lot of money, but take less time. A person who wants to experience gardening, but doesn’t have the budget for it will soon find out in the right way that gardening really starts with seeds and cuttings and sharing and gifts from other people. I am getting to experiment with more of that kind of gardening than I ever have before. Growing our plants from seed has been so satisfying for Mimi and I. Just talking about the timing and the type of plants that we’re going to buy seeds for and germinate and transplant is something that is valuable to our communication in our relationship.

Owning Garden Works and gardening together at home has offered Mimi and I a unique opportunity to melt our styles together. All week long during the work week we talk about what we want to get done on our days off and how we will get it done. During the work week we will bring home the things that it will take to be able to use our days off as efficiently as possible and maybe even get some rest before we start our work week back again. If it’s a big project, I will get the ditch witch and the dump trailer home filled with soil and plants and whatever else might be on that weeks‘s list. Finding a time to stop working in the yard is just as important as getting all that done. We will make a plan as to what time we’d like to be finished in the yard and how long it should take to get our projects done and that helps us decide what time we need to be at the back door finished with our cup of espresso and our boots laced up.

Some mornings we start just before the sun comes up and some mornings we don’t feel the need for that kind of hurry, depending on the time of year. That takes care of the virtue of Chasity, which keep our desires in a healthy, respectful balance. Kindness is the demonstration of empathy, compassion, and goodwill without prejudice. We feel the virtue of kindness as we tend to our soil and our plants in our native habitat and the wildlife that comes along with it as it is a goal of ours to welcome as much wildlife, other than Deer, into our garden. It gives us such great pleasure to see our bird population increase and listen to them happily singing throughout the day. I am 100% convinced that a happy bird population is a happy garden. It is very obvious what the birds do for us and for our plants. The days of finding insects munching on our plants at an acceptable level have been over for quite a while. Since we stopped using pesticides in our yard, it brought a change that I heard about all my life, but just had no idea what a big change it would bring. Our garden is more in harmony with nature now and the feeling is great.

The next virtue that gardening brings to us and helps us to practice is temperance, which is the practice of self-control, moderation and delayed gratification. The schedule that we work on and the schedule that the natural world keeps is one that combats gluttony and overindulgence. We have learned self-control and moderation in so many ways. Just by knowing how much is enough, whether it be the amount of plants or the amount of soil or the amount of work that we plan to finish by the end of our weekend is a matter of self-control and moderation. We try not to leave anything left undone if we can help it before we call it a day. Patience is a virtue that would be an obvious one for a Gardner. The ability to endure hardship and choosing forgiveness and understanding with peaceful conflict resolution is one that we practice when we can. It takes patience to plant a tree and expect one day to be hanging a swing for your grandchild from those very branches. It takes patients to grow a garden from seed. I’ve been doing this a long time and it’s still blows my mind what comes from the tiny seed and how long the plant that comes from that seed gives joy to the Gardner. Our garden is 16 years old this month. It has taken a lot of patience and trials and tribulations to get it to where it is now. I can say that Mimi and I have enjoyed every minute that it took to get to this point. We want plants to start blooming right away in the springtime until we remind ourselves to be patient, certain things have to happen before those blooms can come and when they do it’s always worth the wait.

The seventh virtue, my favorite, and to me the definition of gardening is diligence. Diligence is the persistent, hard-working application of effort and dedication. It counteracts the sin of sloth by ensuring one stays productive, responsible, and devoted to their duties. Without diligence, a person could have a real mess on their hands in their relationship with their family, their children or their spouse or in the garden. We have to stay on weeding and mulching and watering our garden just as we have to pay close attention to our relationships with our friends and family. Without the cultivation all of these things the things that matter to us will wither and fade away. I very often hear customer say that they don’t have a green thumb and that they are intimidated and scared to garden. I try my best to make them understand that gardening is not necessarily a beautiful plot, but it is persistence. The mental health and the physical health that comes along with persistent gardening is worth it all. Being outside in nature in the sunlight is so good for a human body and mind that gardening is just a sidenote when it comes right down to

it.

Gardening is the perfect way to get in touch with nature and with oneself as you discover your limitations and desires that grow and change and evolve along the way. I don’t see any

difference in that and the way that a relationship should be handled. Your spiritual relationship, your relationship with your family, your relationship with your friends, and the rest of the world in general has to be constantly and persistently managed. Mimi and I have been fortunate that we found each other in the first place, but that we have grown together to love each other, our family, and the art of gardening to tie it all together. My hope and my prayer is that you too can experience how all this is tied together.

This philosophy is constantly on our mind purposely and similarly is on our gardening friends minds as well. Right about the time the blackberry cobbler came out for dinner last night is when this conversation got heavy and I believe was helpful to all of us. It’s nice to have someone to help you to check yourself and to be able to listen to someone else and learn how they handle some of the same situations at home and outside the home. We have one life to live and it’s not really very long. We are dedicated to making our one life as virtuous as possible. Virtues are the essence of our character and character does indeed determine destiny. The more we recognize the potential impact that practicing virtues can have on our lives, the more our lives open up to new possibilities and to greater joy and fulfillment. I believe that is the reason we are here on this earth.